Attention Leaks

Distractions.

It is hard to get a donor’s attention.

So when you are sending a donor something with an explicit purpose – for instance you’re Asking for a gift or Reporting back on what their previous gifts made possible – don’t include anything that can cause your donor’s attention to “leak” away from your main message. 

Here are three examples of accidental attention leaks:

  • Your social media handles on the envelope for your appeal.  At the moment a donor picks up your envelope, would you like them to open the envelope and have a 4% chance of them sending you a gift… or go to your Instagram page and have a .25% chance of giving you a gift?
  • Promoting your upcoming event right before the ask to give a gift.  It’s well known that the more options you give a donor, the smaller the overall response.  I’ve seen many a great fundraising email or letter torpedoed by someone who says, “Hey, please add a paragraph about our event” or “Be sure to also mention that we need volunteers and include the link.” 
  • A list of your Board members down the left side of your appeal letter.  I ran a test once where we sent a letter to half a nonprofit’s donors on letterhead that had the list of Board members down the left, and the same exact letter to the other half of the organization’s donor except the list of Board members had been removed.  The letter without the list of Board members raised more money.

In my opinion, here’s what happens when you list the Board members down the side.  Some donors are reading the letter, picking up what you are laying down, starting to think about giving a gift… and they see a name on the left that takes their attention away from the carefully crafted letter.  Maybe the name reminds them of a friend from college.  They wonder what that person is up to.  And pretty soon your donor is on Facebook instead of reading and responding to your letter.

Your organization spends so much time, money and effort to get a donor to read your fundraising.  Don’t allow anything in your fundraising other than content and design that will drive them towards taking the action you want them to take.

There is one place this advice doesn’t apply – your e-newsletter.  You can stick everything in there because you don’t expect anyone to respond.

But if you want people to respond, here’s what I’ve learned over years and years of looking at fundraising results: pieces of fundraising that “keep the main thing the main thing” will cause the most action and help your organization the most.

Are you looking for your “lucky duck” fundraising stories?

Lucky duck.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Julie Cooper. Enjoy, and you can read more about Julie below.

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Keep your eyes open for story moments that can create powerful, unexpected emotions.

There’s a very cool-looking Jeep that Brett and I often notice during our neighborhood walks. On its dashboard are a bunch of cute little rubber ducks.

Eventually, driving around, we noticed other Jeeps with ducks on their dashboards.

Finally we got curious enough to ask the Internet.

Yep, it’s a thing.

It’s called “Jeep ducking.

According to this article from Sleep Hollow Auto Group, the trend kicked off in early Covid days:

In July 2020, Allison Parliament had recently moved to a new town and purchased a Jeep Wrangler. After a tough day, she was out shopping and spotted another Jeep Wrangler in the parking lot of the store. Wanting to spread a little positivity, she took out a marker and wrote “Nice Jeep” on a rubber duck she’d just purchased, and she left it on the vehicle for the owner to find.

As she was finishing up, the owner of the vehicle – who she described as a “burly, scary-looking, 6-foot-5 guy” – asked what she was doing. She showed him the duck, and he loved it! He told Allison she should post it on social media.

She posted the photo that day, and her unique act of kindness spread like wildfire under the hashtag #duckduckjeep. People started buying rubber ducks and leaving them on Jeeps across the nation, inspiring a fun tradition among Jeep owners and enthusiasts alike.

Soon, people were buying ducks in different colors, ducks of different sizes, ducks in outfits – all with the intention of giving them away to make someone else smile. And as people collected them, Jeep drivers displayed them on their dashboard – in what’s now lovingly known as a “duck pond.”

I love this. You can build a vibrant community based on true kindness.

Sounds a lot like fundraising, right?

Are you looking for your “lucky duck” fundraising stories?

Jeep owners are “lucky ducks.”

They’re lucky when they give.

And when they receive.

It’s a virtuous circle.

I’m reminded of a client appeal Brett and I wrote – that performed very well – in which a senior who’d endured terrible trauma later took to calling herself a “lucky duck.”

Can you imagine?

When Brett and I interviewed this woman, who goes by “CP,” we could hardly believe what we were hearing.

CP’s spirit was so incredibly bright, in spite of it all.

That’s why we leaned into the lucky duck aspect of CP’s story. We featured it on the first page of the appeal letter. Below is the version that went to monthly donors. (You can read the full 2-page appeal here.)

I want to call your attention to 2 paragraphs.

“Then I was attacked on the street, twice. My back was broken in 7 places. (I’ll spare you the other details.)

But I’m happy! I’m lucky to be alive and to be living here at Potiker Family Senior Residence. I have a roof over my head and a full belly every day. I really am a lucky duck. Quack-quack!!!”

Talk about powerful, unexpected emotions! 

3 takeaways for you:

  1. Build on authentic story moments — like CP’s “lucky duck” spirit. When someone shares something that strikes you as unusual and makes you feel “some kind of way,” note it and think carefully about how you might honor it in your appeal.
  2. Embrace the unexpected — Who could have guessed that rubber ducks would become a symbol of Jeep community? Or that a woman who survived brutal attacks would radiate such joy? Such unexpected elements are key to creating unforgettable stories.
  3. Recognize that your donors are “lucky ducks” too — Remember that giving can feel as good as (if not better than) receiving, so don’t be afraid to ASK. Every ASK is a feel-good giving opportunity.

The next time you’re crafting an appeal, think of CP’s “Quack-quack!!!” spirit and look for those “ducks on a dashboard” fundraising story moments. Few people can resist the “unexpected feels!”

* * *

Steven says, “This guest post is from Julie Cooper, the ‘fundraising copywriter and donor communications specialist’ who I’m THRILLED to share with you.  Julie’s (and her partner Brett’s ) newsletter and blog are full of fun, practical advice.”

Write scenes, not an article

Set the scene.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Julie Cooper. Enjoy, and you can read more about Julie below.

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Want donors to feel your mission? Stop writing articles. Start setting scenes instead.​

Tom Ahern once said to me, “Most copywriters are frustrated novelists.”

I was intrigued.

Tom went on to explain that at a conference some years ago, he met up with several other world-class fundraising copywriters at a bar, and they compared notes and stories over drinks.

That’s when they found they had one thing in common: they’d all written novels. (I guess the “frustrated” part of “frustrated novelist” came from not hitting Stephen King- or J.K. Rowling-level jackpot literary success.)

Huh. Interesting.

Brett has written novels…

And I’ve helped revise and edit them…

It struck me: this common denominator is not a mere coincidence. It’s essential to fundraising writing success.

You have to know how to put your donors right in the middle of a scene. That way, they’ll really FEEL the urgency, really SEE the need, really WANT to help.

Turns out, you don’t actually have to write a novel. You just have to understand what novelists know in their bones…

People are storytelling creatures.

Our lives are stories. We can never get enough.

This is why:

  • Stories bind us over the dinner table.
  • Stories connect us over social media.
  • Stories glue us to our screens (and books and…).
  • Stories help us “live a thousand lifetimes.”
  • Stories guide us away from bad futures and toward good ones.
  • Stories change the world.

A good story is immersive. You feel like you’re there.

So how can you put your donors “on the scene,” where the need is, where they can help?

First, set the scene. ​

Put your donors in a place and time.​

Like this:

Scene 1.

Second, add sensory details. ​

Put your donors in a “body” that experiences the world. ​​

Like this:

Third, add interior thoughts.

Put your donors in a mental space.​

Like this:

Fourth, add emotions. ​

Put your donors in an emotional place.​

Like this:

Fifth, add dialogue. ​

Put your donors in the middle of an exchange.​

Like this:

If you do all this – if you write vivid scenes worthy of a novel, not dry articles worthy of The Wall Street Journal – you’ll put your donors in the middle of your story.

Your story will become your donors’ story.

Your donors will have a visceral connection to your mission.

They’ll get it.
They’ll feel what you feel.
They’ll want what you want.
They’ll be with you for the long haul.

Now that’s a happy ending.

* * *

Steven says, “This guest post is from Julie Cooper, the ‘fundraising copywriter and donor communications specialist’ who I’m THRILLED to share with you.  Julie’s (and her partner Brett’s ) newsletter and blog are full of fun, practical advice.”

Thermometers Still Work!

Fundraising goal.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from John Lepp.  Enjoy, and you can read more about John below.

* * *

I want to share a little story with you – with a point. Obviously.

There is one little phrase, that even to this day, takes me way back to the early days of my career.

Let’s use a thermometer…

I would silently groan.

We were coming into the holiday season of mail packs around the Stephen Thomas offices, where I was the main creative working with all of the various account teams. We would gather in the boardroom or in the smaller creative room and talk about the pack, and eventually, sometimes sooner rather than later, Steve (Thomas of Stephen Thomas) would suggest…

“Let’s use a thermometer…

A visual of a thermometer says – we need to get here (with a goal, usually near the top) and we are only here (sometimes near the middle or at 2/3rds).

He liked to use them on everything since – “they worked”. And he wasn’t wrong.

They did what they need to do. “We are here but we need to be here!

So my job was to try to find out what else I could visually turn into a thermometer… and through the years I discovered that everything and anything could be visually used the same way with some dots or shading or whatever.

We are here but we need to be here.” This past fall we were working with our friends at Friends of Indy Animals for their holiday pack and this was the outer I designed for it.

The client, Becky, was uncertain. ”This doesn’t look very festive, does it?

“No,” I explained, “but it speaks to what the appeal is about – which is a shortfall for your program.

“‘We are here but we need to be here.” With cats and dogs.

The appeal went on to raise 200% more than the year previous. (Let’s acknowledge it wasn’t ONLY because of the thermometer.)

Thermometers in fundraising have worked in the past; they still work and will likely always work since they so quickly visually say “we are here but we need to be here.”

Agent John, over and out.

PS: Using a thermometer from a decision science perspective also taps into a number of cognitive and behavioral science principles:

  1. the goal gradient effect: people are more motivated to take action as they approach a goal
  2. social proof/herd mentality: when you have a partial filled thermometer, it sends a signal that others have already taken this action to give and we naturally want to follow the crowd
  3. incompleteness effect: a partially filled thermometer triggers unease since incomplete tasks (or containers) are psychologically troubling
  4. anchoring effect: an almost full thermometer signals that just a little more is needed, making donating seem like an easy win
  5. scarcity and urgency: as the thermometer is almost to the top, it visually signals that the goal is in reach, which creates this “last chance” effect that encourages us to give before it’s too late.

Cool eh?

* * *

Steven says: “The following is a guest post from John Lepp, the co-founder of Agents of Good in Toronto.   John has the best understanding of how fundraising actually works that I’ve ever met, and then he ‘turns it up to 11’ by being a great guy to hang out with.  You should subscribe to his blog here.”

Three Editing Examples

Editing.

We recently helped a nonprofit create a series of emails to raise money to help them recover from flooding at their facilities. 

The emails raised twice as much as any email campaign they’d ever done.

Because people always like our posts that feature “before and after” examples of fundraising copy, here are three simple edits I made to these emails, along with brief explanations for why…

Before #1:
“I couldn’t sleep last night worrying how the staff at the sanctuary will weather this storm, literally.”

After:
“I couldn’t sleep last night because I was worrying about the staff, the babies, and the equipment.”

Reasoning:
In direct response fundraising, specificity is your friend.  The initial copy was conceptual – about how the staff will “weather the storm.”  But the concept was hiding specifics that were meaningful and valuable!  Share the specifics because they are easier for a reader to understand quickly – and usually more meaningful, too.

Before #2:
“Potable water is especially important right now.”

After:
“Water that’s safe to drink is especially important right now.”

Reasoning:
Not everyone knows what the word “potable” means.  And even for readers who are familiar with it, many will have to think about it for a second to recall what it means.  In direct response fundraising, any time you use words that some readers don’t understand and other readers have to think about, you’ve almost certainly reduced how much money you are going to raise.

Before #3:
“Will you please make a generous gift today?”

After:
“As we scramble, would you please make a gift today to help?”

Reasoning:
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with “Will you please make a generous gift today” – in fact it’s very good copy.  But I have found that in an emergency situation, an email that sounds like a “breathless dispatch from the field” will raise far more money than email that sounds like every other email the organization sends.  

So I made sure the email sounded like it was written by a human (not an organization) who was being clear, but was clearly in a crazy situation. 

One of the ways you communicate to donors that the situation is not normal is by using language that is not normal.

Finally, as a bonus, here’s a subject line I worked on:

Subject line Before:
It’s time for immediate action

Subject line After:
Flooding – please help

Reasoning:
The initial subject line could be written by any nonprofit, anywhere, at any time.  The updated version referenced the flooding – something dramatic, concrete, and unique to this organization at this time.

I hope these example edits – and the reasoning behind them – help you with your next email or letter!

The Storytelling Technique That Puts Your Donor Inside the Story

Inside story.

(And Why It Raises More Money Than Any “About Us” Paragraph Ever Could)

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Chris Davenport. Enjoy, and you can read more about Chris below.

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Great storytelling doesn’t just make you care.
It makes you feel like you belong in the story.

That’s the magic trick behind one of the most effective storytelling techniques in fundraising:
Write for the donor, not to them.

It’s a tiny shift in language that creates a massive emotional shift in the reader.

Because here’s the truth:
You’re not just telling a story.
You’re inviting the donor to step into it.

Why “TO the Donor” Storytelling Falls Flat

It sounds like this:

“We launched a new program to serve families facing housing insecurity.”
“Our staff provided shelter for 42 families last month.”

That’s writing to the donor.

You’re telling them what happened.
You’re reporting, not storytelling.

There’s no invitation. No emotion.
Just information.

The donor is outside the story, looking in — like reading a plaque at a museum.
They might nod. They might feel impressed.
But they won’t feel needed.

And if they don’t feel needed, they’re not likely to give.

Write “FOR the Donor” — and Watch What Happens

This version pulls the reader into the action — as if they were there:

“You can help a mom tuck her kids into bed tonight in a room that’s warm and safe.”

Now the donor isn’t reading a story.
They’re in the story.

They can picture it.
They can feel it.
And most importantly — they know exactly how to help.

Here’s How It Works:

The FOR Storytelling Framework

You + [emotion or physical action] + [specific outcome]

  • “You’ll hand a warm meal to a child who hasn’t eaten since yesterday.”
  • “You can be the reason someone whispers, ‘I finally feel safe.’”
  • “You’ll flip the light switch in a shelter room that’s been dark for too long.”

The goal? Don’t just describe what happened.
Describe what the donor makes happen.

That’s a story they’ll want to be part of.

Tiny Scene, Big Emotion

Want to take it one step further? Add a detail that locks the scene in their memory:

Instead of:

“You’ll provide winter coats for kids in need…”

Try:

“You’ll zip up a puffy red coat around a 6-year-old named Eli — just before the snow hits.”

That’s not just storytelling.
That’s cinematic fundraising.

How to Use This in Real Life

Next time you write an appeal, a thank-you letter, or a donation page:

Look for the sentences that begin with:

  • “We need…”
  • “Our goal is…”
  • “This program will…”

Rewrite just one using the FOR formula.
Make the donor the one doing the action.
Make them the reason something good happens.

That’s the storytelling switch that unlocks generosity.

Final Word

This isn’t fluff.
This is one of the most powerful storytelling techniques you can learn as a fundraiser:

Write the story so your donor feels like they’re in it.

Not watching.
Not applauding.

Acting.

That’s how you turn a reader into a giver.
And a giver into a champion.

Want more storytelling techniques like this?
You’ll find a whole library of bite-sized wins over in the QuickApply Collection—smart, fast strategies to help you write stories that move people and raise more money. No fluff. Just tools that work.

Go poke around. Your next breakthrough might be one click away.

* * *

Steven says: “Chris Davenport is the founder of the Nonprofit Storytelling Conference – the most practical and impactful fundraising conference there is.  Chris has trained thousands of Fundraisers to use story-driven communication to raise more money and build deeper relationships with donors.  Check out his ‘QuickApply’ library if you’d like to know more, and I hope to see you at this year’s conference!”

How Long is Too Long?

How long is too long.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Lisa Sargent. Enjoy, and you can read more about Lisa below.

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My job is fundraising copywriting.

So if people don’t read the direct mail appeals I write, you better believe I know it. Revenue, response, retention, those things are going to go down.

Which means I also know – firsthand – that when someone tells you, “No one reads long letters anymore” – it’s rubbish.

But we’re not here to be combative.

Instead, I want you to think about your letters like a working fundraising writer.

So today we’re going to take that “No long letters ever” myth (because it IS a myth) and run with it…

Let’s assume you one day decide your fundraising appeals will not… must NEVER… exceed 1 sheet of paper. (DO NOT decree this in real-life please. It’s a huge mistake. Keep reading.)

Let’s also assume you want to format your letter for maximum readability (readability boosts response fyi). This means:

  • You need 1-1.5” for your nonprofit logo/letterhead
  • You want 1” margins left and right
  • You want ~1” for bottom page margin
  • You need type size set at 12-14 points, in a font that isn’t condensed
  • You need to tab (indent) your paragraphs
  • You need 1-2 lines for a page turn reminder (e.g., ‘continues on other side’; watch my YouTube video w/ John Lepp on this)
  • You need 1-1.5” for your signature block and side 2 sign-off
  • You may (or may not) need an add’l .5 -.75” for footer with your charity number, tax ID, disclaimer, etc.
  • You may (or may not) need a 2” address block.

I am NOT saying you can’t successfully write short. You can. I have. Lots of others, too.

What I AM saying is that after the above, you have about 750 words to get the job done.

Add a paragraph on both sides to ask for a gift, and you’re at, what, 650 words?

In the wrong hands these letters get real boilerplate, real quick. In real-life, this works so much better:

Make your fundraising appeals as long as they need to be to:

  • Tell your story with emotion, clarity, resonance, truth, and urgency, present a strong offer, and provide repeated calls to action.
  • Format for readability.
  • If you use photos (Designer Sandie and I often do), you also need space for photo captions.

From nearly two decades of measured results like conversions, click-throughs, average gifts, and response rates, I can tell you this:

Many of my best-performing appeals are 6-page letters. (Yup. Recently, too.) Many others are 4-page letters.

Several of these include multi-year control packs (a.k.a. banker’s packs, that have yet to be surpassed in terms of results and response).

Some are 2-pagers. None are postcards. And again, all of this is based on actual results.

Top emails? 450 to 750+ words. (More on that in a minute.)

So if your team is agonizing over short letter vs. long, have them focus instead on what no one really wants:

Inline
Credit: Photo (c) Lisa Sargent, Thankology [design: S. Collette]

No one wants a 4-page letter crammed onto 1-page/2-sides;

No one wants 8-point type with yawning wide line measures that skyrocket eye fatigue and create an Impenetrable Wall of Text (what do I mean? see above);

No supporter wants boilerplate EVER. They want emotion, a strong offer, life, authenticity, connection, urgency, love. 

Write the above into all your creative briefs before you mandate letter length, and watch your fundraising appeals improve.

For your emails? 

You can absolutely write longer (as in 450-750 words). But remember to keep it top-heavy: 

  • You have 1-2 lines to get to the point. 
  • Make your first call to action (i.e., Ask) within 140 words. (My best-performing emails do this in the first 90 words or so.)
  • Front-load your subject line (best parts first)
  • Below first call to action you can expand your story, and add repeated calls to action after that
  • Check out NextAfter’s research around plain-text emails (and, really, their entire Digital Research Library: great for experimenting with format) 

Now here’s one last tip, exclusively for Better Fundraising Co. blog readers (that’s you!)… just to really shake things up… one last letter that should really be just one page long.

Meet the one letter that’s really one page: Your donation thank-you letter.

In my book Thankology (on Amazon or Bookshop) there’s an entire chapter called “Clear thinking on the format fog: The core pieces your thank-you pack needs.”

The nutshell version is this:

Almost all the time, your donation thank-you letter should be a 1-page, 1-sided letter, specific to the appeal or newsletter or occasion that prompted it.

Why? Two reasons.

First, because you want the whole, wonderful thing to be visible when your reader opens the letter. Your longer appeal letter, remember, did the long-as-it-needs-to be job.

THIS letter, your thank-you letter, gets the short and sweet spotlight: All the love and gratitude magic right there on one page.

Second, because if it’s longer, you run the risk of it looking like an appeal. Want to add a photo? Why not pop in a little photo card? (Added benefit: your supporter has a mantle-worthy keepsake to remind them of their connection to your cause, and your lovely thank-you.)

Remember: Appeal letters are longer. Thank-you letters, almost always, are not.

Now the next time someone tells you, “Your letter always has to be one page or else,” you have a smarter, results-based way to look at things.

Go forth and write that appeal with great heart… as long as it needs to be!

* * *

Steven says: Lisa Sargent is a fundraising expert and the author of Thankology, the best book on thanking donors that I’ve ever read.  You can (and should!) subscribe to her newsletter here.

Did this post on letter length help you? If yes, you can:

Thank you for reading today, and big thanks to Steven, Jim, and The Better Fundraising Co. for sharing a place on their blog. J

© Lisa Sargent and Lisa Sargent Communications, used with permission. If you adapt or repurpose this content in any format, please be a guardian of good karma and get your proper permissions. And, of course, remember that this information is provided for informational purposes only, and should not be considered as legal advice on any subject matter.

An Idea to Help Your Donor Acquisition

Bright idea.

When you’re talking or writing to people who are not donors, and you’re thinking about what to say, here’s a truth to remember: 

None of them care about your organization, but some of them care about your cause or beneficiaries.

So, don’t start off your speech or letter by talking about your organization.  Attempting to start a relationship by talking about something you know the other person doesn’t care about is not a successful tactic. 

On the other hand, if you start off talking about your cause or beneficiaries, then the people who care are immediately interested in what you have to say

Now you’re ahead of the game.

Now, the people who are most likely to donate are the people who are paying attention.  And they already know that you care about what they care about.

In the very first moment, you’ve established common ground with the people who are most likely to donate.

And I have to add, the “holy grail” is talking about your cause or beneficiaries and tying it to a value to everyone believes in.  Think opening lines like:

“No one should have to suffer from a disease when the cure costs $100.  And now that you know you can massively improve a person’s life for less than the cost a nice dinner out, let me tell you how you can do it and why it’s important.”

Now everyone is paying attention. 

Or you could start by telling everyone what year your organization was founded.

Top 3 Tips for Fundraisers Looking to Level Up Their Monthly Giving

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Erica Waasdorp.  Enjoy, and you can read more about Erica below.

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Here are my top three tips for fundraisers who are looking to start growing their monthly giving program to the next level.

1. Commit to Monthly Giving

If you’re not committed to growing, you’re never going to grow. This is not a once and done campaign. Monthly giving should be included in your overall fundraising strategy.

One way to commit is by making a monthly gift yourself to your own organization. Another way is to give monthly to a few other organizations you like or admire. It’s a great way to see what they’re doing.

The main reason why a donor gives monthly is because they want to help. Making a recurring gift is more likely to fit in their budget, but if they don’t want to help because you’re not explaining the need and making the donor part of the solution, all bets are off.

2. Make It Easy for Your Donor to Find the Monthly Giving Option

I still see way too many websites where monthly giving is buried in ways to give, and it takes multiple clicks to get there. Check out tactic No. 6 from this NonProfit PRO article on numerous tests from NextAfter.

What do you have to lose by adding an extra button on the homepage and an extra button in an email? It’s a tactic successfully used by numerous organizations, and it’s not going to hurt your one-time giving revenue.

3. Create a Mini-Story or Nudge

In one sentence, how does a monthly gift help your constituents, your animals, patients, clients? Here are just a few examples:

  • “Start your monthly gift to ensure that more children can receive lasting support, access learning and have a better opportunity for the future. “
  • “You can help create lasting change by giving monthly, empowering people to lift themselves out of poverty.”
  • “Your monthly gift will make a difference every day and every month for neighbors in need.”
  • “Your monthly gift ensures seniors don’t have to choose between food and rent.”

Don’t overthink it. Just start somewhere, and you can always refine your message further.

Then look at your communication channels and messages and see where you can add the button and your mini story.

Your email newsletter? Your print newsletter? Your direct mail appeals? A buck slip in your thank-you letter? Your survey? The options are endless.

* * *

Steven says: This is a guest post from Erica Waasdorp, the renown (and wonderful!) author of Monthly Giving Made Easy.  If you want to start a monthly giving program, or make yours better, start with Erica.  Sign up for her newsletter (plus free resources) here.

This post was originally published by NonProfit PRO on October 16, 2023.