Category: Ask

Why You Shouldn’t Use the Word “Vulnerable” in Your Appeals

Steven Screen  |  Ask
vulnerable

Though I’m a great believer in being vulnerable when you create your fundraising, I never use the word “vulnerable” when writing fundraising.

And when organizations that I work with use the word “vulnerable” or the phrase “the most vulnerable,” I delete it.

Here’s Why

When you’re Asking for support in your appeals and e-appeals, what usually works best is to present donors with a problem that is happening right now, one that the donor can solve with a gift today.

The problem with the word “vulnerable” is it accidently tells donors that there is not a problem today.

According to Webster’s, Vulnerable means:

  1. Capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.
  2. Open to attack or damage

Look at those definitions again. In both of those cases there is nothing wrong right now. A person is “capable” of being hurt. Or is “open to attack.”

Think about it this way. Say you received two simple e-appeals right next to each other in your inbox. One e-appeal asked you to give a gift to help a person who is in need today. The other e-appeal asked you to help a person who might be in need sometime soon. All things being equal, most donors will give to help the person who is in need today.

By describing your beneficiaries as “vulnerable,” you’re focusing donors’ attention on the fact that there’s nothing wrong yet. You’re telling donors that there might be a problem in the future. So there’s less of a reason for a donor to give a gift right now.

By using the word “vulnerable” you’ve caused fewer people to send in a gift today.

Here’s What I Replace “Vulnerable” With

Instead of focusing on what might happen, focus on what’s happening right now.

What this usually means is that instead of focusing your fundraising on all the people who might need help, you focus it on the people who need help right now.

Here are a couple of examples…

“Your gift to help vulnerable children in our schools learn to read will…” becomes, “Your gift to help a child who is a grade behind in reading level will…”

“Your gift to protect people who are vulnerable to this disease will…” becomes, “Your gift will help people who have this disease by… “

“Your gift will help the most vulnerable…” becomes, “Your gift will help the people who need it most right now…”

If your organization uses “vulnerable” or “the most vulnerable,” edit your future fundraising to talk about the people (or a person) who needs help now. You’ll start to raise more money.

The Big Picture

If you stop using “vulnerable,” will your next appeal raise twice as much money? No.

But if my experience is any indication, I think you’ll raise more money than you’re raising now.

Two reasons.

First, even though your use of “vulnerable” is a small thing, successful appeals and newsletters are made up of a hundred of small things. The better you get at noticing and improving the small things, the more money you raise.

Second, not using “vulnerable” is a very real step on the way towards a powerful principle to operate by. The principle is that you’ll raise more money with your direct response fundraising (appeals, e-appeals, radio, TV, etc.) if you share the most compelling problems your organization and/or beneficiaries are experiencing right now.

Sharing a current problem (not a potential future problem) with donors is one of the ways you can break through all the noise and increase the number of people who send you gifts.

And anything you can do to break through all the noise right now will help, don’t you think?

This post was originally published on June 18, 2020.

How to Choose What to Underline and Why

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Underlining your letters.

I’m going to teach you to raise more money by showing you what to emphasize in your fundraising letters.

Because if you underline or bold the right things, you’ll raise more money.

NOTE: for brevity, I’m going to lump all forms of visual emphasis as “underlining.” You might use underlining, or bolding, or highlighting, doesn’t matter. All of those are different tactics. I’m talking about the strategy of visually emphasizing small portions of your letters and e-appeals.

First, let me tell you why your underlining is so important.

Underlining has two purposes in fundraising writing. Almost nobody knows the second – and more important – purpose.

  1. Bolding or underlining signals that a sentence is important. This is true of almost any writing.
  2. But underlining also serves a second, more important purpose. The most effective fundraisers use underlining to choose for your donor which things they are most likely to read.

Because remember, most of your donors won’t read your letter from top to bottom. They will scan your letter – briefly running their eyes down the page. And as they scan, when they see a sentence that has been emphasized, they are likely to stop scanning and read.

It’s this second, more valuable purpose that most organizations don’t know about. So they underline the wrong things.

My Rule of Thumb

Here’s what I try to do. This doesn’t apply to every letter, but I try this approach first on every single letter I review or write:

  • The first thing underlined should be a statement of need, or a statement describing the problem that the organization is working on.
  • The second thing is a brief explanation of how the donor’s gift will help meet the need or solve the problem mentioned in the first underlined section.
  • The third thing is a bold call-to-action for the donor to give a gift to meet the need / solve the problem today.

If you do that, I can basically guarantee that your letter will do well. A MASSIVE number of fundraising letters don’t even have those elements, let alone emphasize them. If you have them, and you emphasize them, here’s what happens:

  • Donors know immediately what you’re writing to them about
  • Donors know immediately what they can do to help
  • Donors know immediately that they are needed!

Because of those things your donors are more likely to read more. And more likely to donate more.

There Are Some Sub-Rules

  1. No pronouns. Remember that it’s very likely that a person reading the underlined sentence has not read the prior sentences. So if you underline a sentence like “They need it now!” the donor does not know who “they” are and what “it” is. The sentence is basically meaningless to the donor. Their time has been wasted.
  2. Not too many. You’ve seen this before; there are four sentences that are bolded, five that are underlined, and the result is a visual mess that only a Board member would read. Be disciplined. I try to emphasize only three things per page, sometimes four.
  3. Emphasize what donors care about, not what your Org cares about. If you find yourself emphasizing a sentence like, “Our programs are the most effective in the county!” … de-emphasize it. Though it matters a lot to you, no donor is scanning your letter looking to hear how good your organization is at its job. But donors are scanning for things they are interested in. So emphasize things like, “Because of matching funds, the impact of your gift doubles!” or “I know you care about unicorns, and the local herd is in real danger.”
  4. Drama is interesting. If your organization is in a dramatic situation, or the story in the letter has real drama, underline it. Here are a couple of examples from letters we’ve worked on recently: “It was at the moment she saw the ultrasound that life in her belly stopped being a problem and became a baby” and “The enclosed Emergency Funding Program card outlines the emergency fundraising plan I’ve come up with.”

And now, I have to share that I got the idea for this post when I saw this clip from the TV show “Friends”. It turns out that Joey has never known what using ‘air quotes’ means – and he’s using them wrong (to hilarious effect). I saw it and thought, “That’s like a lot of nonprofits trying to use underlining effectively.”

If you’re offended by that, please forgive me. I see hundreds of appeal letters and e-appeals a year. I developed a sense of humor as a defense mechanism. 🙂

The good news is that learning how to use underlining is as easy as learning to use air quotes!

You can do this. Just remember that most of your donors are moving fast. Underline only what they need to know. That’s an incredible gift to a compassionate, generous, busy donor!

And if you’d like to know how Better Fundraising can create your appeals and newsletters (with very effective underlining!) take a look here.

This post was originally published on March 15, 2018.

They’ll Fund the Playground. Will They Fund the Plumbing?

T. Clay Buck, CFRE  |  Ask
Leaky plumbing.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Clay Buck. Enjoy, and you can read more about Clay below.

***

The hardest story in fundraising – and the one you have to tell.

Let’s start with a truth you probably already know:

Raising money for a new playground? Easy. 
Raising money for snacks at the staff meeting? Yikes. 
Raising money to keep the lights on, update the printer, and pay your brilliant-but-underpaid program staff?

Well… that’s the hard one. But it’s also the most important one.

This is the story fundraisers often *don’t* tell well – the story of unrestricted giving. 
It’s not flashy. It’s not always tied to a single heartwarming moment. 
But when you get it right? You raise the kind of money that makes *everything else* possible.

Why Unrestricted Gifts Matter More Than Most Donors Realize

Most donors don’t think in a chart of accounts.

They don’t wake up wondering whether their $100 will be categorized under “program services” or “general operating expenses.”

What they care about is this:

*Are you making the world better in a way that aligns with the kind of person I believe I am?*

That’s it.

But too often, when we lead with *programs*, we accidentally steer donors toward restricting their gifts. We hand them a menu instead of inviting them into the kitchen.

So they say, “I’ll support the literacy program,” not realizing that it’s the unrestricted dollars that buy the bookshelves, cover the training, and pay the rent on the room where the program even happens.

Unrestricted dollars are not *extra* – they are *essential*. They are the fuel, the oxygen, the infrastructure that makes the impact *possible*.

Why It’s Hard to Tell This Story

It’s hard because it’s abstract. 
It’s hard because it doesn’t sound inspiring when you say, “Help us cover our budget.” 
And it’s hard because we’ve trained donors – unintentionally – to give to “things” instead of *change*.

But here’s the secret: the best case for unrestricted support isn’t about overhead or admin or general operating. 

It’s about the mission. It’s about the vision. It’s about the *promise* of what’s possible.

Mission Brings Them In. Vision Keeps Them Engaged.

Let’s take a breath here and go back to something I say often (because it’s true):

*It’s the mission that brings them in, but the vision that keeps them engaged.*

Mission is what your organization *does*. It’s the hunger you fight, the dogs you rescue, the students you serve.

Vision is what the world could look like if you do your work well – and keep doing it.

  • No more hungry kids. 
  • No more lonely seniors.
  • No more wayward wombats. (We support alliteration here.)

And donors give because they want to be part of that vision. They don’t want to *buy a service*. They want to *fund a future*.

So your job is to show them how unrestricted giving is the rocket fuel that gets us there.

Can You Say Your Mission in One Sentence?

Here’s a challenge: Can you describe your mission in *one clear, compelling sentence* – one that a donor could read and say, “Yes. That’s me. I believe in that.”

Not a paragraph. Not a five-point plan. One sentence.

Let’s say your nonprofit is called *Rescuing Wayward Wombats*. Here’s a version you might find in a strategic plan:

“Our mission is to provide comprehensive, multidisciplinary rehabilitation and long-term rehoming services for marsupials experiencing habitat displacement and trauma-related behaviors in a geographically diverse ecosystem.”

Technically accurate? Sure. 
Inspiring? Not exactly.

Now try this instead:

**“Helping displaced wombats find safety, healing, and home.”**

That version speaks to identity. To shared values. To a vision we can all believe in.

And when donors see themselves in your mission – they’ll give to the whole thing. Not just the piece with the cute photo.

How to Make the Case (Without the Jargon)

You don’t need a PowerPoint presentation with pie charts. You need a few great sentences that help people see – and *feel* – why unrestricted support matters.

Here are some ways to get there:

1. Talk about the Whole, Not the Parts
Instead of saying: 
“Please give to our after-school tutoring program…”

Say: 
“Your gift helps us create a community where every child has the tools, support, and safe spaces they need to succeed – inside and outside the classroom.”

Then make it clear: unrestricted support lets you do *all of it*. Not just a sliver.

2. Paint a Picture of the Dream
Use your vision boldly.

“We imagine a city where no family goes without food, where no senior is forgotten, where every child has access to learning – and your gift brings us closer to that world.”

That’s a lot more compelling than “Support our annual fund.”

3. Explain the Trust, Not the Transaction
People don’t give unrestricted gifts because they *love* accounting flexibility. 
They give unrestricted gifts because they trust you to use their dollars where they’re needed most.

So say that. Out loud. Directly.

“When you give without restrictions, you’re saying, ‘I believe in you. I trust your team. I know you’ll put this gift to work where it’s needed most.’”

It’s not a technical choice – it’s a *relational* one.

4. Tell a Story That Shows the System
Instead of a single program story, tell a *systems* story.

“Last year, Emily joined our food access program. But what kept her coming back was the community garden our unrestricted donors helped us build, the transportation we could offer because of flexible funding, and the new staff we hired to support her family in other ways.”

One person, one story – but a whole *web* of impact that only unrestricted dollars made possible.

Practical Tips to Strengthen Your Case for Unrestricted Support

Ditch the jargon. Say, “the gift that fuels all our work.” 

Use identity-based language. “If you believe every child deserves a chance…” 

Include unrestricted giving in your default ask. Normalize it. 

Name the value of flexibility. Show how fast you can respond. 

Show the donor in the outcome. “Because of you, another student graduated.”

A Final Thought (Because This Is the Hard One)

Unrestricted fundraising is hard because it requires clarity, confidence, and trust.

You have to believe in the value of your whole mission – not just the pieces. 
You have to be able to articulate it in human words, not internal budget codes. 
And you have to remember: the best donors don’t want to sponsor a line item.

They want to believe in a better future. And they want to help build it.

So show them that future. 
Speak it boldly. 
And make it crystal clear:

Unrestricted giving isn’t boring. It’s transformational.
It’s the kind of giving that fuels your mission, strengthens your vision, and builds a world worth believing in.

***

Steven says, “Clay is the founder and principal of Next River Fundraising Strategies, creator of the Fundraiser’s Planner, and co-host of the #1 ranked fundraising podcast Fundraising is Funny. He’s a wide-eyed optimist about the power of generosity to change the world and focuses primarily on individual giving, strategic planning, and building the systems and storytelling that support and empower successful, ethical fundraising.”

Deadlines and Consequences

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Deadline.

When I’m reviewing an appeal or e-appeal, one of the simple questions I ask is:

“Is there a deadline or consequences?”

Deadlines focus people’s attention – and cause more people to take action.  Consequences help people know what’s at stake – and cause more people to take action. 

So the next time you’re creating or reviewing an appeal or e-appeal, be sure to include a deadline or consequence.  You’ll help donors see how their gift to you is important and timely. 

And ultimately, it’s pretty simple: if you don’t give your donors a reason to give a gift today, you’ll get fewer gifts today.

Is Your Charity ‘Age-aware’?

Tom Ahern  |  Ask
Young donor.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Tom Ahern. Enjoy, and you can read more about Tom below.

* * *

“We need younger donors!” Yes? No? Ummmm…?

What could possibly go wrong?

Three factors to consider: (1) most giving in the US comes from older people (for a mundane reason that co-exists with, but is not driven by, compassion); (2) charity leadership might not be aware of this; (3) have you heard of Dr. Ken Dychtwald?

——

Who gives (really)?

This is American data… and I don’t mean to be US-centric. But it doesn’t shift all that much across the English-speaking world, is my understanding. I’ve been loosely tracking it (via real experts) for more than 2 decades.

All I want is a solid mountain of data to climb… and Blackbaud has one.

What you often hear from well-meaning, really-trying-to-be-helpful board members, bosses, program staff and others is this:

“We NEED younger donors!”

Sounds like a reasonable strategy?

Or IS it? (Cue dramatic music.)

To my flimsy knowledge (raise your hand if, like me, you’re NOT a credentialed researcher): NO.

Au contraire: it’s an untutored, uneconomic, unrealistic, ill-advised strategy. A bright idea. A pillow dream. A “just add water” solution that sounds good until a charity attempts to execute it and meet its budget.

Dear sensible nonprofits…

There’s a sound economic reason you SHOULD chase OLDER donors: it’s about the money.

People AGE into their PRIME giving years.

Those donors who will prove most lucrative AGE into their “Now, I have more disposable income to give away” years.

That happy life-event happens around age 55, after other big-ticket items have been bought. According to the Wall Street Journal in 2022, “it now costs $300,000 to raise a child” through high school graduation.

Around 55, those who are “philanthropically-inclined” can START to give more to their favorite charities.

NOW… at long last… hallelujah [skip the ads]…  these age 55+ individuals / households finally have enough extra income to throw at beloved good causes, the ones their hearts always yearned to support.

——

Who’s Dr. Dychtwald?

Here’s a 2022 YouTube intro to psychologist and futurist Ken Dychtwald’s studies and conclusions. It’s about 5.5 minutes long. And, trust me, it will BLOW YOUR MIND (to revert to the phrasing of my youth).

His last name is pronounced “Dyke Wald,” BTW. And I want to thank Sallie Mitchell for reminding me of his insights and wisdom. She’s worked with Ken. And Sallie’s always been an enviable over-achiever “who gets sh*t done.”

When you’re younger, you’re building your life.

Except for some dot.com baby millionaires, you’re likely spending what you’re earning.

Of course, you’re intrinsically generous.

Maybe you were brought up that way. Maybe it’s baked into your core values. After all… major faiths around the planet command that you help others who are worse off.

So you WANT to help.

You CRAVE helping. Maybe you have passion and some time to spare, so you volunteer.

But surplus cash for young adults can be lean… and far between. I fed on food stamps for a decade after I hauled in my MA from an Ivy League school. I was white (privilege). I was male (privilege). I had parents who insisted I get a college education (privilege). And I was broke.

Eventually, lucky me, all that unearned privilege worked in my favor. Today is different than then. I escaped curbside doom. To my shock, I’m no longer poor. Destitute. Abandoned. Lucky me. Thanks to SO many others. I’m VERY lucky…

One more time: you – blessed, lovingly privileged – age into your prime giving years.

You become a force for good.

THE UN-BITTER TRUTH: Many people are generous beyond all reason… at all ages.

But until you have surplus income (after you’ve bought and built your life), you probably can’t give away all that much.

That happens around age 55, experts like Jeff Brooks concur.

——

STILL not convinced?

IF you’re buying the coffee (though I’d prefer cocktails) – I’m delighted to explain in greater detail (with PowerPoint and a dump-truck of world-sourced evidence) the undeniable economic realities re: why younger donors are not the Grail, the Golden Goose, the Miracle Whip, the Lottery, the Secret Sauce, the donor Magic, my father’s Leprechaun (he had one), nor the Easy Solution.

Fundraising is hard.

Don’t trust anyone peddling a glib financial solution like, “We need younger donors.”

At least not on the assumption that a donor acquired in her 20s will still be giving to the same causes in her 70s (the CDC’s birth-to-death lifespan is currently 76 years).

Why?

Because the average donor to the average charity doesn’t stick around that long.

Sure, some truest of true believers give for 30 years and even in their wills.

But… most give to a new-to-them charity for something like 4-6 years at best (annual donors) or 4-8 years at best (monthly donors), according to a poll I ran past top agencies globally.

All those agencies are data geeks. They hemmed and hawed. But in the end they confessed that most new donors do not stick around that long… and that’s WHEN you’re doing a GREAT job of donor cultivation (which few charities do).

Here’s the biggest kick in the pants for many charities: MOST (7-to-8 out of 10) FIRST-time donors do NOT make a SECOND gift. (Which is another great reason to promote monthly giving: it automatically cures that “second gift” collapse.)

To harp (I’m of Irish descent; I have the right; we all have harps): Fundraising is hard.

There are no easy solutions. Guessing doesn’t help at all. Know the data. Know what you’re up against.

Here are three data sources I lean on year after year, to set expectations for myself and clients (some unicorns were killed [or at least made tearful] in the making of this reality check):

Blackbaud Institute (a vast donor sample)
Giving USA (what’s happening in America)
M+R Benchmarks (digital/online fundraising)

* * *

Steven says, “Tom Ahern was described by the New York Times as “…one of the country’s most sought-after creators of fundraising messages.”  Tom has what I’d call the industry-leading newsletter about fundraising.  Being mentioned in it was a career highlight for me.  You can (and should!) subscribe for free here.”

Attention Leaks

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Distractions.

It is hard to get a donor’s attention.

So when you are sending a donor something with an explicit purpose – for instance you’re Asking for a gift or Reporting back on what their previous gifts made possible – don’t include anything that can cause your donor’s attention to “leak” away from your main message. 

Here are three examples of accidental attention leaks:

  • Your social media handles on the envelope for your appeal.  At the moment a donor picks up your envelope, would you like them to open the envelope and have a 4% chance of them sending you a gift… or go to your Instagram page and have a .25% chance of giving you a gift?
  • Promoting your upcoming event right before the ask to give a gift.  It’s well known that the more options you give a donor, the smaller the overall response.  I’ve seen many a great fundraising email or letter torpedoed by someone who says, “Hey, please add a paragraph about our event” or “Be sure to also mention that we need volunteers and include the link.” 
  • A list of your Board members down the left side of your appeal letter.  I ran a test once where we sent a letter to half a nonprofit’s donors on letterhead that had the list of Board members down the left, and the same exact letter to the other half of the organization’s donor except the list of Board members had been removed.  The letter without the list of Board members raised more money.

In my opinion, here’s what happens when you list the Board members down the side.  Some donors are reading the letter, picking up what you are laying down, starting to think about giving a gift… and they see a name on the left that takes their attention away from the carefully crafted letter.  Maybe the name reminds them of a friend from college.  They wonder what that person is up to.  And pretty soon your donor is on Facebook instead of reading and responding to your letter.

Your organization spends so much time, money and effort to get a donor to read your fundraising.  Don’t allow anything in your fundraising other than content and design that will drive them towards taking the action you want them to take.

There is one place this advice doesn’t apply – your e-newsletter.  You can stick everything in there because you don’t expect anyone to respond.

But if you want people to respond, here’s what I’ve learned over years and years of looking at fundraising results: pieces of fundraising that “keep the main thing the main thing” will cause the most action and help your organization the most.

Are you looking for your “lucky duck” fundraising stories?

Julie Cooper  |  Ask
Lucky duck.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Julie Cooper. Enjoy, and you can read more about Julie below.

* * *

Keep your eyes open for story moments that can create powerful, unexpected emotions.

There’s a very cool-looking Jeep that Brett and I often notice during our neighborhood walks. On its dashboard are a bunch of cute little rubber ducks.

Eventually, driving around, we noticed other Jeeps with ducks on their dashboards.

Finally we got curious enough to ask the Internet.

Yep, it’s a thing.

It’s called “Jeep ducking.“

According to this article from Sleep Hollow Auto Group, the trend kicked off in early Covid days:

In July 2020, Allison Parliament had recently moved to a new town and purchased a Jeep Wrangler. After a tough day, she was out shopping and spotted another Jeep Wrangler in the parking lot of the store. Wanting to spread a little positivity, she took out a marker and wrote “Nice Jeep” on a rubber duck she’d just purchased, and she left it on the vehicle for the owner to find.

As she was finishing up, the owner of the vehicle – who she described as a “burly, scary-looking, 6-foot-5 guy” – asked what she was doing. She showed him the duck, and he loved it! He told Allison she should post it on social media.
​

She posted the photo that day, and her unique act of kindness spread like wildfire under the hashtag #duckduckjeep. People started buying rubber ducks and leaving them on Jeeps across the nation, inspiring a fun tradition among Jeep owners and enthusiasts alike.
​
Soon, people were buying ducks in different colors, ducks of different sizes, ducks in outfits – all with the intention of giving them away to make someone else smile. And as people collected them, Jeep drivers displayed them on their dashboard – in what’s now lovingly known as a “duck pond.”

I love this. You can build a vibrant community based on true kindness.

Sounds a lot like fundraising, right?

Are you looking for your “lucky duck” fundraising stories?

Jeep owners are “lucky ducks.”

They’re lucky when they give.

And when they receive.

It’s a virtuous circle.

I’m reminded of a client appeal Brett and I wrote – that performed very well – in which a senior who’d endured terrible trauma later took to calling herself a “lucky duck.”

Can you imagine?

When Brett and I interviewed this woman, who goes by “CP,” we could hardly believe what we were hearing.

CP’s spirit was so incredibly bright, in spite of it all.

That’s why we leaned into the lucky duck aspect of CP’s story. We featured it on the first page of the appeal letter. Below is the version that went to monthly donors. (You can read the full 2-page appeal here.)

I want to call your attention to 2 paragraphs.

“Then I was attacked on the street, twice. My back was broken in 7 places. (I’ll spare you the other details.)

But I’m happy! I’m lucky to be alive and to be living here at Potiker Family Senior Residence. I have a roof over my head and a full belly every day. I really am a lucky duck. Quack-quack!!!”

Talk about powerful, unexpected emotions! 

3 takeaways for you:

  1. Build on authentic story moments — like CP’s “lucky duck” spirit. When someone shares something that strikes you as unusual and makes you feel “some kind of way,” note it and think carefully about how you might honor it in your appeal.
  2. Embrace the unexpected — Who could have guessed that rubber ducks would become a symbol of Jeep community? Or that a woman who survived brutal attacks would radiate such joy? Such unexpected elements are key to creating unforgettable stories.
  3. Recognize that your donors are “lucky ducks” too — Remember that giving can feel as good as (if not better than) receiving, so don’t be afraid to ASK. Every ASK is a feel-good giving opportunity.

The next time you’re crafting an appeal, think of CP’s “Quack-quack!!!” spirit and look for those “ducks on a dashboard” fundraising story moments. Few people can resist the “unexpected feels!”

* * *

Steven says, “This guest post is from Julie Cooper, the ‘fundraising copywriter and donor communications specialist’ who I’m THRILLED to share with you.  Julie’s (and her partner Brett’s ) newsletter and blog are full of fun, practical advice.”

Write scenes, not an article

Julie Cooper  |  Ask
Set the scene.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Julie Cooper. Enjoy, and you can read more about Julie below.

* * *

Want donors to feel your mission? Stop writing articles. Start setting scenes instead.​

Tom Ahern once said to me, “Most copywriters are frustrated novelists.”

I was intrigued.

Tom went on to explain that at a conference some years ago, he met up with several other world-class fundraising copywriters at a bar, and they compared notes and stories over drinks.

That’s when they found they had one thing in common: they’d all written novels. (I guess the “frustrated” part of “frustrated novelist” came from not hitting Stephen King- or J.K. Rowling-level jackpot literary success.)

Huh. Interesting.

Brett has written novels…

And I’ve helped revise and edit them…

It struck me: this common denominator is not a mere coincidence. It’s essential to fundraising writing success.

You have to know how to put your donors right in the middle of a scene. That way, they’ll really FEEL the urgency, really SEE the need, really WANT to help.

Turns out, you don’t actually have to write a novel. You just have to understand what novelists know in their bones…

People are storytelling creatures.

Our lives are stories. We can never get enough.

This is why:

  • Stories bind us over the dinner table.
  • Stories connect us over social media.
  • Stories glue us to our screens (and books and…).
  • Stories help us “live a thousand lifetimes.”
  • Stories guide us away from bad futures and toward good ones.
  • Stories change the world.

A good story is immersive. You feel like you’re there.

So how can you put your donors “on the scene,” where the need is, where they can help?

First, set the scene. ​

Put your donors in a place and time.​
​
​Like this:

Scene 1.

Second, add sensory details. ​

Put your donors in a “body” that experiences the world. ​​

​Like this:

Third, add interior thoughts.

Put your donors in a mental space.​
​
​Like this:

Fourth, add emotions. ​

Put your donors in an emotional place.​
​
​Like this:

Fifth, add dialogue. ​

Put your donors in the middle of an exchange.​
​
​Like this:

If you do all this – if you write vivid scenes worthy of a novel, not dry articles worthy of The Wall Street Journal – you’ll put your donors in the middle of your story.

Your story will become your donors’ story.

Your donors will have a visceral connection to your mission.

They’ll get it.
They’ll feel what you feel.
They’ll want what you want.
They’ll be with you for the long haul.

Now that’s a happy ending.

* * *

Steven says, “This guest post is from Julie Cooper, the ‘fundraising copywriter and donor communications specialist’ who I’m THRILLED to share with you.  Julie’s (and her partner Brett’s ) newsletter and blog are full of fun, practical advice.”

Thermometers Still Work!

John Lepp  |  Ask
Fundraising goal.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from John Lepp.  Enjoy, and you can read more about John below.

* * *

I want to share a little story with you – with a point. Obviously.

There is one little phrase, that even to this day, takes me way back to the early days of my career.

“Let’s use a thermometer…”

I would silently groan.

We were coming into the holiday season of mail packs around the Stephen Thomas offices, where I was the main creative working with all of the various account teams. We would gather in the boardroom or in the smaller creative room and talk about the pack, and eventually, sometimes sooner rather than later, Steve (Thomas of Stephen Thomas) would suggest…

“Let’s use a thermometer…”

A visual of a thermometer says – we need to get here (with a goal, usually near the top) and we are only here (sometimes near the middle or at 2/3rds).

He liked to use them on everything since – “they worked”. And he wasn’t wrong.

They did what they need to do. “We are here but we need to be here!”

So my job was to try to find out what else I could visually turn into a thermometer… and through the years I discovered that everything and anything could be visually used the same way with some dots or shading or whatever.

“We are here but we need to be here.” This past fall we were working with our friends at Friends of Indy Animals for their holiday pack and this was the outer I designed for it.

The client, Becky, was uncertain. ”This doesn’t look very festive, does it?”

“No,” I explained, “but it speaks to what the appeal is about – which is a shortfall for your program.”

“‘We are here but we need to be here.” With cats and dogs.

The appeal went on to raise 200% more than the year previous. (Let’s acknowledge it wasn’t ONLY because of the thermometer.)

Thermometers in fundraising have worked in the past; they still work and will likely always work since they so quickly visually say “we are here but we need to be here.”

Agent John, over and out.

PS: Using a thermometer from a decision science perspective also taps into a number of cognitive and behavioral science principles:

  1. the goal gradient effect: people are more motivated to take action as they approach a goal
  2. social proof/herd mentality: when you have a partial filled thermometer, it sends a signal that others have already taken this action to give and we naturally want to follow the crowd
  3. incompleteness effect: a partially filled thermometer triggers unease since incomplete tasks (or containers) are psychologically troubling
  4. anchoring effect: an almost full thermometer signals that just a little more is needed, making donating seem like an easy win
  5. scarcity and urgency: as the thermometer is almost to the top, it visually signals that the goal is in reach, which creates this “last chance” effect that encourages us to give before it’s too late.

Cool eh?

* * *

Steven says: “The following is a guest post from John Lepp, the co-founder of Agents of Good in Toronto.   John has the best understanding of how fundraising actually works that I’ve ever met, and then he ‘turns it up to 11’ by being a great guy to hang out with.  You should subscribe to his blog here.”