There’s a writing principle you should live by:
Put the most important information first
Here’s what I mean. Here’s a sentence from an e-appeal I edited recently:
Industrial, resource-heavy growth threatens Maryland’s fragile wetlands.
This sentence does what we were taught to do in school: explain and provide context, then make the point.
Let’s look at it again, this time with a simple sentence diagram (apologies if you get flashbacks to middle school):
Industrial, resource-heavy growth
< explains the context >
threatens Maryland’s fragile wetlands.
< idea that matters most to the donor >
The problem is that in the mail and email, the end of a long sentence is less likely to be read than the beginning of a sentence. (Look at a heat map and you’ll see how little most people read when they first look at your fundraising.)
So you want to put the most important information first, and then explain.
So how should you write the sentence above if you assume that many readers are only going to read the beginning of a sentence? You’d write something like this:
Maryland’s fragile wetlands are threatened
< idea that matters most to the donor >
by industrial, resource-heavy growth.
< explains the context >
Writing in this way is one of the reasons that effective fundraising in email and the mail feels different from what your English teacher taught you.
Additionally, this approach occasionally results in using the passive voice. This bothers people sometimes because the rule they live by is to ’never use the passive voice.’ The rule *I* live by is that, on behalf of beneficiaries, I’ll break any grammar rule I need to in order to create more effective communication.
Because beginning with the idea that matters most to the donor will make a few more people “get the message” your fundraising is sending. That causes a few more people to give, which causes your organization to do more good.
It’s a great, free way to get a little more out of each appeal and e-appeal!
