Tag: writing

Attention Leaks

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Distractions.

It is hard to get a donor’s attention.

So when you are sending a donor something with an explicit purpose – for instance you’re Asking for a gift or Reporting back on what their previous gifts made possible – don’t include anything that can cause your donor’s attention to “leak” away from your main message. 

Here are three examples of accidental attention leaks:

  • Your social media handles on the envelope for your appeal.  At the moment a donor picks up your envelope, would you like them to open the envelope and have a 4% chance of them sending you a gift… or go to your Instagram page and have a .25% chance of giving you a gift?
  • Promoting your upcoming event right before the ask to give a gift.  It’s well known that the more options you give a donor, the smaller the overall response.  I’ve seen many a great fundraising email or letter torpedoed by someone who says, “Hey, please add a paragraph about our event” or “Be sure to also mention that we need volunteers and include the link.” 
  • A list of your Board members down the left side of your appeal letter.  I ran a test once where we sent a letter to half a nonprofit’s donors on letterhead that had the list of Board members down the left, and the same exact letter to the other half of the organization’s donor except the list of Board members had been removed.  The letter without the list of Board members raised more money.

In my opinion, here’s what happens when you list the Board members down the side.  Some donors are reading the letter, picking up what you are laying down, starting to think about giving a gift… and they see a name on the left that takes their attention away from the carefully crafted letter.  Maybe the name reminds them of a friend from college.  They wonder what that person is up to.  And pretty soon your donor is on Facebook instead of reading and responding to your letter.

Your organization spends so much time, money and effort to get a donor to read your fundraising.  Don’t allow anything in your fundraising other than content and design that will drive them towards taking the action you want them to take.

There is one place this advice doesn’t apply – your e-newsletter.  You can stick everything in there because you don’t expect anyone to respond.

But if you want people to respond, here’s what I’ve learned over years and years of looking at fundraising results: pieces of fundraising that “keep the main thing the main thing” will cause the most action and help your organization the most.

Are you looking for your “lucky duck” fundraising stories?

Julie Cooper  |  Ask
Lucky duck.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Julie Cooper. Enjoy, and you can read more about Julie below.

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Keep your eyes open for story moments that can create powerful, unexpected emotions.

There’s a very cool-looking Jeep that Brett and I often notice during our neighborhood walks. On its dashboard are a bunch of cute little rubber ducks.

Eventually, driving around, we noticed other Jeeps with ducks on their dashboards.

Finally we got curious enough to ask the Internet.

Yep, it’s a thing.

It’s called “Jeep ducking.“

According to this article from Sleep Hollow Auto Group, the trend kicked off in early Covid days:

In July 2020, Allison Parliament had recently moved to a new town and purchased a Jeep Wrangler. After a tough day, she was out shopping and spotted another Jeep Wrangler in the parking lot of the store. Wanting to spread a little positivity, she took out a marker and wrote “Nice Jeep” on a rubber duck she’d just purchased, and she left it on the vehicle for the owner to find.

As she was finishing up, the owner of the vehicle – who she described as a “burly, scary-looking, 6-foot-5 guy” – asked what she was doing. She showed him the duck, and he loved it! He told Allison she should post it on social media.
​

She posted the photo that day, and her unique act of kindness spread like wildfire under the hashtag #duckduckjeep. People started buying rubber ducks and leaving them on Jeeps across the nation, inspiring a fun tradition among Jeep owners and enthusiasts alike.
​
Soon, people were buying ducks in different colors, ducks of different sizes, ducks in outfits – all with the intention of giving them away to make someone else smile. And as people collected them, Jeep drivers displayed them on their dashboard – in what’s now lovingly known as a “duck pond.”

I love this. You can build a vibrant community based on true kindness.

Sounds a lot like fundraising, right?

Are you looking for your “lucky duck” fundraising stories?

Jeep owners are “lucky ducks.”

They’re lucky when they give.

And when they receive.

It’s a virtuous circle.

I’m reminded of a client appeal Brett and I wrote – that performed very well – in which a senior who’d endured terrible trauma later took to calling herself a “lucky duck.”

Can you imagine?

When Brett and I interviewed this woman, who goes by “CP,” we could hardly believe what we were hearing.

CP’s spirit was so incredibly bright, in spite of it all.

That’s why we leaned into the lucky duck aspect of CP’s story. We featured it on the first page of the appeal letter. Below is the version that went to monthly donors. (You can read the full 2-page appeal here.)

I want to call your attention to 2 paragraphs.

“Then I was attacked on the street, twice. My back was broken in 7 places. (I’ll spare you the other details.)

But I’m happy! I’m lucky to be alive and to be living here at Potiker Family Senior Residence. I have a roof over my head and a full belly every day. I really am a lucky duck. Quack-quack!!!”

Talk about powerful, unexpected emotions! 

3 takeaways for you:

  1. Build on authentic story moments — like CP’s “lucky duck” spirit. When someone shares something that strikes you as unusual and makes you feel “some kind of way,” note it and think carefully about how you might honor it in your appeal.
  2. Embrace the unexpected — Who could have guessed that rubber ducks would become a symbol of Jeep community? Or that a woman who survived brutal attacks would radiate such joy? Such unexpected elements are key to creating unforgettable stories.
  3. Recognize that your donors are “lucky ducks” too — Remember that giving can feel as good as (if not better than) receiving, so don’t be afraid to ASK. Every ASK is a feel-good giving opportunity.

The next time you’re crafting an appeal, think of CP’s “Quack-quack!!!” spirit and look for those “ducks on a dashboard” fundraising story moments. Few people can resist the “unexpected feels!”

* * *

Steven says, “This guest post is from Julie Cooper, the ‘fundraising copywriter and donor communications specialist’ who I’m THRILLED to share with you.  Julie’s (and her partner Brett’s ) newsletter and blog are full of fun, practical advice.”

Write scenes, not an article

Julie Cooper  |  Ask
Set the scene.

The following is a hand-picked guest post from Julie Cooper. Enjoy, and you can read more about Julie below.

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Want donors to feel your mission? Stop writing articles. Start setting scenes instead.​

Tom Ahern once said to me, “Most copywriters are frustrated novelists.”

I was intrigued.

Tom went on to explain that at a conference some years ago, he met up with several other world-class fundraising copywriters at a bar, and they compared notes and stories over drinks.

That’s when they found they had one thing in common: they’d all written novels. (I guess the “frustrated” part of “frustrated novelist” came from not hitting Stephen King- or J.K. Rowling-level jackpot literary success.)

Huh. Interesting.

Brett has written novels…

And I’ve helped revise and edit them…

It struck me: this common denominator is not a mere coincidence. It’s essential to fundraising writing success.

You have to know how to put your donors right in the middle of a scene. That way, they’ll really FEEL the urgency, really SEE the need, really WANT to help.

Turns out, you don’t actually have to write a novel. You just have to understand what novelists know in their bones…

People are storytelling creatures.

Our lives are stories. We can never get enough.

This is why:

  • Stories bind us over the dinner table.
  • Stories connect us over social media.
  • Stories glue us to our screens (and books and…).
  • Stories help us “live a thousand lifetimes.”
  • Stories guide us away from bad futures and toward good ones.
  • Stories change the world.

A good story is immersive. You feel like you’re there.

So how can you put your donors “on the scene,” where the need is, where they can help?

First, set the scene. ​

Put your donors in a place and time.​
​
​Like this:

Scene 1.

Second, add sensory details. ​

Put your donors in a “body” that experiences the world. ​​

​Like this:

Third, add interior thoughts.

Put your donors in a mental space.​
​
​Like this:

Fourth, add emotions. ​

Put your donors in an emotional place.​
​
​Like this:

Fifth, add dialogue. ​

Put your donors in the middle of an exchange.​
​
​Like this:

If you do all this – if you write vivid scenes worthy of a novel, not dry articles worthy of The Wall Street Journal – you’ll put your donors in the middle of your story.

Your story will become your donors’ story.

Your donors will have a visceral connection to your mission.

They’ll get it.
They’ll feel what you feel.
They’ll want what you want.
They’ll be with you for the long haul.

Now that’s a happy ending.

* * *

Steven says, “This guest post is from Julie Cooper, the ‘fundraising copywriter and donor communications specialist’ who I’m THRILLED to share with you.  Julie’s (and her partner Brett’s ) newsletter and blog are full of fun, practical advice.”

Three Lessons from Remarkable Annual Reports

John Lepp  |  Report

The following is a hand-picked guest post from John Lepp.  Enjoy, and you can read more about John below.

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I know we like to believe that one of our donors is sitting in their armchair, maybe beside a fire, with a hot cup of tea and their beloved cat purring on their lap waiting… listening… for that clang and tiny screech as the metal flap on their mail box shuts, thus ensuring the safe arrival of your latest annual report.

We imagine them flinging poor Ron, the cat, off their laps and jumping to their feet! “WOOHOOOOO!!!! My charity’s annual report has ARRIVED TODAY!!!!”

Don’t we imagine that?

What if I could tell you 3 ways you might be able to get your donor to do JUST that, next time you send them your annual report?

1. Do you want to read an ‘annual report’?

Probably not.

68 pages of 8 point reversed type that adheres to your soul destroying, dumpster burning, graphic standards that some art director from a commercial agency put together and that you now must religiously stick to so that – lord forbid – you do not go ‘off brand’… whatever that means.

68 pages of all of the amazing things that every board member has ever thought of in their entire life about their fantastic accomplishments, page after page of stats, people holding big checks, figures, infographics, pie charts and names of your most important donors (ie: the rich ones). Do you want to read that?

No? Shocker.

Consider, my friends, the idea of a gratitude report. In a nutshell, a gratitude report is only as long as it needs to be. A report that tells your donors a love-filled story about something they made possible by their giving, is filled with plenty of you’s, shares the nutshell successes of how you continue to meet the needs of your mission with their amazing support and is inclusive of all donors.

Not just the rich ones.

2. Can you tell a fantastic story?

I have 3 examples.

i) From a women’s shelter. We were handed Ana’s story, written by her own hand, telling of her abuse by her partner. It was a story of how she found herself in a country without any support from friends or family. This story was not watered down by the head of comms or edited by a committee of 8 people in a circulated, tracked changes word file… It was her story – from her hand to our eyes. And I wanted to honour her without sensationalizing her.

This was the cover of the report.

White handwriting on a black cover. No logo. Do you want to see what she shares next? Of course you do. You can download the whole report here.

ii) For a hospital foundation. Getting your donor’s attention isn’t enough. But it IS getting harder to do even that every day. And if we can get their attention, we must reward them for it. For this gratitude report we started with a simple illustration of a bandaid, covered in cupcakes and put that on the cover. It says:

“Because of you, I’m not just a flexible bandaid. And, I know I’m not the sort of thing you’d find on the cover of a report, but here we are. I may seem like a small and insignificant player in the context of a hospital, but with your help, I have a big impact. You give me the power of healing many humans, big and small. I think of River. She came in last week with her mom for her COVID-19 booster. River was crying and holding her mom’s hand, but the moment she saw me, all covered in cupcakes, she stopped crying. We soothed her. You and I. (Ok, maybe the cupcakes had something to do with it too.) Thank you for giving me that gift.”

Because of you.

Fully utilizing the full universe of interesting voices around you (beyond the blah, blah blah of your professional leaders) can show your donors a different perspective to their giving that they might not be aware of. Also, make sure to focus on the big and small ways that donor gifts can make a difference.

Hospital bed.

iii) For a hospice. Focus on ALL your donors. This report focused on why donors, giving big and small gifts, care so deeply about this mission and cause. It is filled with the emotional WHY they care and give.

This is a fantastic example of social proof. Your donor is sipping her tea and feeling echoes of her own feelings and thoughts about her connection to the cause.

I especially like this report because we used the visual theme of a quilt. For anyone who has had the pleasure of visiting (and even if you haven’t), you would see these quilts hung around various parts of the ‘house’. These quilts are tributes and symbols of the lasting memories of those beautiful souls that have passed on while in the care of this organization.

You can download the whole report here.

3. Who should get it?

We typically do a small print run. Yes, that’s right.

We actually mail out printed copies of the report. We put it in a 9” x 12” envelope with first class postage with a cover letter attached to it and a personal, handwritten note, ideally from a board member or ED.

We only mail it to the TOP 20% of your donors. Since you likely are getting 80% of your revenue from these folks day after day, you can make the case that they are the ones that care the most about you. Mid level to high level donors, monthly donors, legacy donors, loyal donors (of any gift size) typically fall into this category.

For the rest of your donors that you have a mail address for, send them a postcard with an image of your striking cover, letting them know you have created something JUST FOR THEM and they can call you or email you (an actual person please) and ask for their own copy.

Yes, post a version of it on your website. Yes, email a link for it to your donors that you have emails for, with a personal email suggesting why they might want to look at it and why you would be more than happy to talk to them about it if they have any questions.

Do you want to create annual reports that you hate doing and no one wants to read?

OR

Do you want to craft loving gratitude reports for your beautiful donors, these amazing humans that make your missions hopes, dreams and values come true?

Agents of Good are experts at bringing these reports to life – contact me, John Lepp, at john@agentsofgood.org if you want to talk about your next gratitude report that will leave your donors SPRINGING from their chair (and hopefully not harming the cat in the process!).

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Steven says: “The following is a guest post from John Lepp, the co-founder of Agents of Good in Toronto. John has the best understanding of how fundraising actually works that I’ve ever met, and then he ‘turns it up to 11’ by being a great guy to hang out with. You should subscribe to his blog here.”

Three Editing Examples

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Editing.

We recently helped a nonprofit create a series of emails to raise money to help them recover from flooding at their facilities. 

The emails raised twice as much as any email campaign they’d ever done.

Because people always like our posts that feature “before and after” examples of fundraising copy, here are three simple edits I made to these emails, along with brief explanations for why…

Before #1:
“I couldn’t sleep last night worrying how the staff at the sanctuary will weather this storm, literally.”

After:
“I couldn’t sleep last night because I was worrying about the staff, the babies, and the equipment.”

Reasoning:
In direct response fundraising, specificity is your friend.  The initial copy was conceptual – about how the staff will “weather the storm.”  But the concept was hiding specifics that were meaningful and valuable!  Share the specifics because they are easier for a reader to understand quickly – and usually more meaningful, too.

Before #2:
“Potable water is especially important right now.”

After:
“Water that’s safe to drink is especially important right now.”

Reasoning:
Not everyone knows what the word “potable” means.  And even for readers who are familiar with it, many will have to think about it for a second to recall what it means.  In direct response fundraising, any time you use words that some readers don’t understand and other readers have to think about, you’ve almost certainly reduced how much money you are going to raise.

Before #3:
“Will you please make a generous gift today?”

After:
“As we scramble, would you please make a gift today to help?”

Reasoning:
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with “Will you please make a generous gift today” – in fact it’s very good copy.  But I have found that in an emergency situation, an email that sounds like a “breathless dispatch from the field” will raise far more money than email that sounds like every other email the organization sends.  

So I made sure the email sounded like it was written by a human (not an organization) who was being clear, but was clearly in a crazy situation. 

One of the ways you communicate to donors that the situation is not normal is by using language that is not normal.

Finally, as a bonus, here’s a subject line I worked on:

Subject line Before:
It’s time for immediate action

Subject line After:
Flooding – please help

Reasoning:
The initial subject line could be written by any nonprofit, anywhere, at any time.  The updated version referenced the flooding – something dramatic, concrete, and unique to this organization at this time.

I hope these example edits – and the reasoning behind them – help you with your next email or letter!

Could Your Fundraising Be More Accessible?

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Accessible.

Here’s a goal for your fundraising in 2025 – make it more accessible.

The ethical reasons are clear: we should not make unnecessary design and language choices that make it harder for people to see, read and understand.

Additionally, the financial reasons are clear:

  • When more people can easily read your fundraising, more of your fundraising will be consumed, and you’ll raise more money.
  • When more people can quickly understand your fundraising, more people will keep reading, and you’ll raise more money.

Our next three blog posts will be full of tips for how you can make your fundraising more accessible.  All of the tactics we’ll share, as well as the overall idea, are part of the Universal Design movement.  (But we just call it smart fundraising 🙂 )

In the meantime, take a look at your fundraising and ask yourself:

  • Is the text easy for an older person to read?
  • Is the design easy for a “scanner” to quickly know what’s most important?
  • Is the copy written so that the reader needs a college education to understand it, or is it accessible to people with less education?

It’s emotionally stretching for an organization to make their fundraising more accessible.  But you’ll be doing the right thing.  And in my experience, you’ll also raise more money.

This post was originally published on March 19, 2024.

Kudos for the Wrong Thing

Steven Screen  |  Ask
You are awesome.

Every nonprofit has its own preferences.

The preferences are things like “we use this particular phrasing to describe our work” or “we talk about the people we serve in this particular way” or “we believe donors should support us because of X and Y.”

All good things. 

But one of the hard parts about creating effective fundraising at smaller nonprofits is that the fundraising is evaluated according to the preferences of the nonprofit.

For instance…

When you create an appeal that uses the particular phrasing that the staff likes, you get kudos from the staff.  The piece of fundraising gets approved & sent.

When you create a newsletter that thoroughly describes a program, the program staff give you kudos.  The newsletter gets approved & sent.

When you write something that gets your ED’s “voice” exactly right, the ED gives you kudos, and the piece of fundraising is approved & sent.

The problem here is obvious to anyone who has been reading this blog for a while:

  • Fundraising that makes staff feel good is probably going to raise less money – when a donor is looking at an email on her phone, how she feels about the message is more important than how staff feel about it. 
  • Thoroughly describing a program is probably going to raise less money – when a donor is looking at a newsletter, how it makes the donor feel about her previous giving matters more than how thoroughly the program is described.
  • Getting your ED’s “voice” right is a total crapshoot – when a donor is reading an appeal, how quickly he knows it’s relevant to his life & values matters so much more than how faithful the writing is to the ED’s “voice.”

Here’s the result of a nonprofit evaluating its fundraising based on its own preferences: more kudos are given to pieces of fundraising that raise less. 

One of the lessons that nonprofits learn as they grow larger & better at fundraising is that the preferences of the staff are most likely different than the preferences of donors.

Once organizations realize that, they begin to give kudos not for “matching internal preferences,” but for results like “percent response” and “net revenue” and “average gift size.”  They pay less attention to staff preferences, and more attention to donor preferences (as gleaned from fundraising results).

Nelson Mandela

Steven Screen  |  Repeat
Nelson Mandela.

When Nelson Mandela was in prison (for 27 years!) he studied the language of the Afrikaner people who put him in prison.  

Mandela shared that “the way to understand people is speak and understand their language.”

Mandela credited his understanding the Afrikaans language with his ability to establish good relationships first with the prison wardens, and later with the Afrikaners who ran South Africa.

Mandela understood the language of the Afrikaners, spoke the language of the Afrikaners, yet advocated for his people.

The same principle is true for highly effective Fundraisers: they understand the language of their donors, speak the language of their donors, yet advocate for the organization’s beneficiaries or cause.

Any time you’re responsible for bridging a gap – whether it’s between different races or between nonprofits and donors – the bridge is more likely to get built if you understand and use the language of the person you’re trying to build it with.

Who Are You Writing To?

Steven Screen  |  Ask
Who writing to

Quick post today.

When you write, if you don’t have a picture in mind of what the person reading your writing is like, you tend to write for yourself.

I can speak from experience on this – the first posts from this blog are… not interesting.  I was writing to myself.  It took me months to develop a good picture of who I was writing to and for.  And that’s when this blog started to be helpful to people and our number of subscribers started to grow.

“Writing for yourself” happens all the time in nonprofit fundraising.  And it results in fundraising that’s not interesting or effective.

Contrast that to a nonprofit that has a good picture of what their donors know, care about, and the language their donors use.  When the nonprofit writes to and for those donors (instead of themselves) they create fundraising that connects more and raises more money. 

***

If you’re like me, you want to know why “writing to and for your donors” works so much better.  So even though I said this would be a short post, here’s a longer explanation if you’re interested.  🙂

When a nonprofit writes to itself: they base their fundraising on what the organization knows, what the organization cares about, and uses the words the organization uses.

This results in fundraising that:

  • Tries to teach the recipient things, instead of tapping into what the recipient already knows.  This is “13% of people in our county have experienced homelessness” compared to “You know that no one should have to be homeless.”
  • Tries to make the recipient care about new things, instead of tapping into what the recipient already cares about.  This is “Our program is one of the most effective literacy programs” compared to “You know the immediate difference knowing how to read makes on a person’s life.”
  • Tries to teach the recipient new words and phrases, instead of using words and phrases the recipient already knows.  This is “They are what we call a UETA – Under Exposed to The Arts” compared to “They haven’t been exposed to the Arts enough, and you can change that.”

Think about that for a second; look at all the extra work a donor has to do before they can give!  The reader of the email or letter:

  • Has to learn new things
  • Has to care about things they didn’t care about before
  • Has to learn new vocabulary (and sometimes whole new concepts)

This puts what we call an “education barrier” between the organization and its donors. 

Organizations using this approach tend to stay small because their fundraising materials ensure that only the “true believers” will give; because only the “true believers” will spend the time and effort to be educated.

The more effective approach is to build a picture of what individual donors who care about your beneficiaries or cause tend to know, care about, and read. 

Then write your fundraising to and for the people who fit that picture.

You’ll make your organization more accessible to more people, raise more money, and achieve more of your mission.