Tag: writing

A Short Note for Writers

Steven  |  Report

Here’s a tip our writers use as they work on donor communications:

Use verb tense to help take your donors on a journey.

And here’s what that looks like:

  • When Asking for support (appeals, e-appeals, events) use the future simple tense to describe what the donor’s gift will do: “Your gift will help…”
  • When Thanking for a gift (receipt letters, thank you notes) use the present continuous tense: “Your gift is helping…”
  • When Reporting back to donors (newsletters, e-news) use the past simple tense: “Your gift helped…”

It’s a subtle – but powerful – way of communicating to a donor that their gift matters and that it made a difference.


This post is excerpted from the Better Fundraising e-book “Storytelling for Action.” Download it for free, here. 

How to Make Good “Fundraising Bets”

Steven  |  Repeat
Statistics

At the beginning of your fundraising career – or when you start doing more direct response fundraising than you have in the past – you need to make “bets” on what you think your donors will be most likely to fund.

You’re writing an e-appeal and wondering, “Should I talk about this program, or that program?”

You’re writing an appeal letter and wondering, “Should I ask donors to fund this, or to fund that?”

Each decision is a bet.

The more bets you make, if you pay attention to the results, the better you’ll get at making bets. And ultimately, the better you get at making bets, the more money your e-appeals, appeals, newsletters, and events will raise.

The way to get better at this is for your organization is to practice. 

Let me give you an example.  It’s an outlier for most of us, but it makes the point.

My mentor spent his career doing direct response fundraising for some of the biggest nonprofits in the country in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, including most of the national Christian nonprofits.

True story: by the end of his career, he had sent so many pieces of direct mail, to so many of the lists available, that he could make accurate predictions for how each letter would perform.

He would hold the mockup of the letter in his hand, look at the offer, and look at the writing and the design.  Then he would look at the mailing list that it was being mailed to.  Cultivation, acquisition, didn’t matter – he could tell you with relative certainty how many people would respond, what the average gift would be, etc.

I walked into his office once and he was concentrating so hard he didn’t notice me for a couple minutes.  He was as “in the zone” as it’s possible to be.  I watched him write some numbers in the margins of a printed-out spreadsheet, then I asked him what he was doing.

He said, “I’m writing down my predictions for how each letter to each mailing list is going to perform.” 

Here’s the amazing thing: he was usually correct to within a 10th of a percentage point on response rate, and within a dollar or two on average gift size.

It was remarkable.  It was otherworldly.

He was able to do it because he had done it so many times before.  He was very, very good at making “bets” for what an organization should talk about, how they should talk about it, and who they should talk about it to.

And when he was wrong – when one of his predictions didn’t match up with what actually happened, he would say, “Huh, I wonder what I missed?”  And then he’d look at the letter and the list to figure out where he had gone wrong, so that his next bet was more accurate.  So that his next bet raised more money for whatever nonprofit he was serving.

You and your organization can get great at knowing what to talk about, how to talk about it, and who to talk about it to. 

But you have to practice.  A lot.

It’s not a gift, not a talent, not an ability.  It’s an acquired skill.

An Experiment in Photography Class

Steven  |  Ask
Photography Class

A quick story from Atomic Habits by James Clear…

  • “ON THE FIRST day of class, Jerry Uelsmann, a professor at the University of Florida, divided his film “Beginning Photography” students into two groups.

    Everyone on the left side of the classroom, he explained, would be in the “quantity” group. They would be graded solely on the amount of work they produced. On the final day of class, he would tally the number of photos submitted by each student. One hundred photos would rate an A, ninety photos a B, eighty photos a C, and so on.

    Meanwhile, everyone on the right side of the room would be in the “quality” group. They would be graded only on the excellence of their work. They would only need to produce one photo during the semester, but to get an A, it had to be a nearly perfect image.

    At the end of the term, he was surprised to find that all the best photos were produced by the quantity group. During the semester, these students were busy taking photos, experimenting with composition and lighting, testing out various methods in the darkroom, and learning from their mistakes. In the process of creating hundreds of photos, they honed their skills. Meanwhile, the quality group sat around speculating about perfection. In the end, they had little to show for their efforts other than unverified theories and one mediocre photo.”

The Lesson for Fundraisers

In my experience, the best way to raise more money via email and the mail isn’t to produce great fundraising, it’s to produce more fundraising.

Two pretty good appeal letters will usually result in more money for your mission than one “perfect” appeal letter.

And because you know you can ask more often, this approach is available to you.  Today.

(If you react negatively to the idea of asking more, please read the post I just linked to.  It’s written especially for you.)

The “two is better than one” approach is so successful for smaller nonprofits because it forces us to push aside perfectionism and fundraise in the real world, where practice, experience and failure are the best teachers.

You Are Fundraising in a Golden Age

For small organizations, the only real cost to sending out another email is the time it takes to write, format, program and send the email.

This was not possible 20 years ago. 

When I was beginning to practice all of this in the 90’s, it cost at least a couple thousand bucks to learn something because email wasn’t feasible for smaller orgs.

Think how much SLOWER the pace of learning was, and how much HIGHER the cost was to learn.

Compare that to today.  If you want, in the next three months you could learn what took me three years to learn at the beginning of my career.

You just need to practice.  It’s available to you.  An organization could start this afternoon, if they want to.

Three Editing Principles

Steven  |  Ask
Editing

In my first job as a fundraising writer, my mentor regularly and rigorously edited my work. 

It was painful. 

But I’m forever grateful because he always explained the “why” behind the edits.  And over time I became a more effective writer.

In an effort to “pass it on,” here are three edits I made in the last week.  Hopefully seeing the “before” and the “after” – and knowing why the edit was made – will help you in the same way it helped me…

Start with the Most Important Info

Original copy:
“Today, you have an incredible opportunity. Thanks to the generosity of [company name], your gift will be TRIPLED up to $40,000.”

Edited Copy:
“Your gift will be TRIPLED up to $40,000! What an incredible opportunity to increase your impact, thanks to the generosity of [company name].”

Reasoning:
Put the most important information first.

The example paragraph contains three ideas: the donor has an opportunity, the matching funds are provided by a company, and the donor’s gift will triple.  Of those three, the most important idea *to the donor* is that their gift will triple.  Arrange the ideas in the paragraph so that the most important idea is first. 

You never want to put important information at the end of a paragraph. A significant percentage of people will scan your letter or email (instead of reading it).  And “scanners” often don’t read more than the first few words of a paragraph. 

“Don’t bury the lede” is in the Donor Communications Constitution for a reason.

Avoid Ambiguity

Original copy:
“Her mom’s ability to work has been impacted by the pandemic.”

Edited Copy:
“Her mom hasn’t been able to work as much because of the pandemic.”

Reasoning:
Avoid words and phrases that can mean multiple things.

The phrase “ability to work has been impacted” is value neutral; the ‘impact’ could be either good or bad.  But the job of this sentence (and the paragraph it resides in) is to provide evidence that a gift is needed today.  The edited copy makes it clearer, faster, that the situation is a negative one. 

Any time you require a reader to figure out exactly what you mean, you’ve increased the chances they will abandon your email or letter. 

Make It About the Reader

Original copy:
“We still need your help to reach our match goal.”

Edited Copy:
“Your help is still needed, and your gift will be doubled.”

Reasoning:
Donors are more interested in themselves than they are in organizations.

The sentence, “We still need your help to reach our match goal” is mostly about the organization.  It’s the organization that needs help.  It’s the organization’s goal. 

But that sentence can be re-written to be about the reader.  “Your help is needed, and your gift will be doubled.”   And we’ve turned the slightly ambiguous phrase “match goal” into a donor benefit; their gift will be doubled.

Editing your direct response fundraising to make it more about your reader and their interests is a counter-intuitive but proven approach to raising more money.

From Jargon to Generosity

Steven  |  Ask
Jargon

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you understand that when donors open your appeal letters and e-appeals, they don’t read, they skim.

And that when you bold or underline portions of your letter, what you’re really doing is choosing what your donor is most likely to read.

This means you have to make absolutely sure that whatever you’ve bolded or underlined is EASY for your reader to understand.

Now take a look at this highlighted copy from the first page of a letter that recently came across my desk …

  • “Your gift of as little as $44 can provide quality resources for a child at the children’s home.”

What the heck are “quality resources”?

Consequences

Does bolding or underlining a phrase that’s not easy to understand torpedo the letter and cause no one to donate?

No way.

Because if a person reads the whole letter that this sentence was part of, they can figure out what “quality resources” are. And some readers will know what the organization is referring to.

But does bolding or underlining anything that’s not immediately crystal clear make the reader have to work harder to understand?

Yes.

And the harder you make your reader work, the fewer donations you’re going to get.

Make Generous Choices

Keep your reader in mind when you write and design your fundraising.

Make these two generous choices:

  1. Use words and phrases that your reader will immediately understand. It’s generous to cross the gap to your reader’s level of understanding (as opposed to making your reader cross the gap to your level of understanding).
  2. Use your bolding and underlining (and other forms of visual emphasis) to emphasize text that summarizes your whole letter. In other words, a reader should be able to read just the emphasized text and know what your letter/email is about and what’s being asked of them. It’s a generous act to write and design your letter/email so that a reader doesn’t have to read the whole thing to get the point.

So… does your organization have any phrases that are equivalent to “quality resources”? Any phrases that you use often, even though they are a bit of barrier because most donors don’t quite know what they mean?

What’s a clearer way your organization could phrase them to be more generous to your readers and donors?

After all, your donors are extraordinarily generous to your organization. How could your organization’s writing and fundraising be a little more generous to donors?

3 Fundraising Writing Tips from our New Creative Director

Jonathan Steck  |  Ask

When I first started to write fundraising appeal letters, it was really hard. I’d never written anything like it before, and I struggled to see how anyone would find the letters interesting to read, let alone respond to.

To help you become a better fundraising writer I want to share a few ideas that I learned early on. My hope is that they’ll help you become a better communicator, too.

Now, let me preface these ideas by saying that while there are oodles of tips out there for you to follow, these are the tactics that have worked for me. You need to find what works for you. But these methods helped me avoid writer’s block (yep, that’s a thing), helped me to think about the donor, and above all, removed my ego from the process.

So here are three different techniques that I’ve used to help me stay on-track and write more compelling, donor-focused appeal letters:

1. Write to Judy

I have a photo of Judy on my desk. She’s smiling at me as I write you this blog post.

Judy’s my mom. She’s religious, makes great soup, and gives to a bunch of different charities. And when I write a fundraising letter, I write to her.

Why? Because Judy is the target demographic for fundraisers. She’s older, has a higher level of disposable income, is passionate about helping others, keeps an address book in her purse, and sends grammatically perfect text messages.

I also write to Judy because it helps me to keep the letter personal. If I don’t look at Judy during the writing process, it’s easy for me to drift into writing copy that I’d want to read. Judy won’t read that.

2. Write Everything in One Sitting

One of the biggest mistakes a copywriter can make is writing the various elements of their fundraising packages at different times.

Now, there are exceptions. But it’s a good habit to write your outer envelope, reply device, receipt copy, and insert (if you have one) at the same time you write your appeal letter.

The reason I try to do this is rather simple: I get distracted. And if your nonprofit is anything like the ones I’ve worked for, then you’ll know that distractions happen all the time. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been focused on writing an appeal letter only to be told there were donuts in the kitchen.

You may not notice it, but if you separate your packages and write the components at different times, your donor will notice. I receive a lot of direct mail, and it’s a tragedy to see a compelling appeal letter hidden inside an uninspiring outer envelope.

3. Keep it simple

I often struggle to keep my own ego in check when writing.

As someone who loves to write, it’s tempting to introduce a beneficiary in an appeal letter with the same detail a novelist would use to introduce a character. But it’s an ego-filled waste of time! To avoid that trap I always write to Judy – because I need to remember my audience!

And to that end, I write my fundraising letters, emails, and every other piece of donor communication as simply as I can. I’m not submitting a college essay; instead, I’m writing a deeply personal letter from one person to another.

Someone once told me to write copy at a middle-school level. That doesn’t mean adding the word “like” before every sentence, but you should avoid using words that aren’t used in normal, everyday conversations. And please, please, please – don’t use jargon.

Instead, keep it simple and personal.

Take this example from an organization providing food for the hungry:

In our city, a lack of nutrient-rich food is causing children to become malnourished, and leaving them highly susceptible to the spread of preventable disease.

It might be true, but your donor doesn’t speak like that. Instead, be personal, and use short sentences and simple words…

Little Mary is very hungry. Her tummy is sore because she hasn’t eaten a proper meal in days. And her body is so weak she’s in danger of getting sick.

This is called writing donor-focused copy; when you do it well, it’s magic.

I’d encourage you to find what works for you… and practice it. It will make you a better writer, and your donors will love you for it.

11 donor-centric sentences you can use…

Steven  |  Ask
Lightbulb.

Here’s a question I get asked at least once a week:

“I see why it makes sense to write ‘to the donor about their gift’ instead of writing about my organization…

But how do I do that?”

My encouragement is that you can learn the same way I learned: you can take good copy from another organization and customize it for your non-profit.

So here are some sample sentences you can steal like an artist and customize for your organization. All of these sentences are from appeals that performed at or above expectations.

All are from appeal letters. Some of them are opening lines. Some are from the middle, some from near the end.

  • I’m writing you today with an important request. You are one of our most faithful donors, and I’m going to be very direct.
  • I’m so thankful to be able to write you about this.
  • You can really make a difference in the lives of suffering people.
  • When you give, it’s as if you’re right there beside us, caring for people in the field.
  • You’ll love how your gift is multiplied by volunteers and donated goods.
  • I couldn’t wait to write you this letter.
  • Look at how much good you can do; you can…
  • Here’s why your gift is so important.
  • [NAME], you’ve already been so generous, but I want you to know about the incredible need right now – and the opportunity for you to help.
  • I know you care for each [CATEGORY OF PERSON/CREATURE YOU WORK WITH].
  • Thank you for taking a moment out of your day to respond to this letter now.

There you go. Modify these for your organization – or just copy them!

Your donors will feel like you’re talking to them about the things they care about. And that’s the surest path to fundraising success.